Over the last few weeks, I have reconnected with a book that I read years ago titled, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I have found that when making a big behavior change or embarking on some kind of wellness journey, these agreements can be practiced and helpful along the way. Below are the agreements, an explanation and my thoughts as to how they fit into our everyday life.
- Be Impeccable With Your Word-Say what you mean and mean what you day. Speak truth and love and don’t speak negatively against yourself or others. Refrain from miscellaneous chit chat a.k.a. gossip.
- Don’t Take Things Personally- What someone else does is not because of you. What other people do and say is on them. Let go of what others think.
- Don’t Make Assumptions-Seek to understand. Be courageous enough to ask questions, even the tough ones. Learn and practice how to communicate what you really want.
- Always Do Your Best-Show up each day and do your best. Today’s best may look different than your best of tomorrow. Let go of judging yourself as well as regrets. If you always do your best, what more can you do?
This is good stuff, isn’t it? I freaking love this book. If you don’t own it, get yourself a copy or write these agreements down and post them on the fridge.
Let’s dig in, shall we ? Be impeccable with your word. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I will share that I gave up (working on giving up) alcohol because often, when I drank, I was NOT impeccable with my word. How on earth can we have trusting and meaningful relationships if we aren’t trustworthy or we gossip? I mean, really! Look, I have done my fair share participating in a gossip fest, and I feel sick at my stomach when I walk away. That is not the way I want to live. My core values are respect, honesty and service. If I am drinking, guess the f%$^ what, I am not living my values or being impeccable with my word. When we speak clearly, lovingly and honestly, that is impeccable.
Don’t take things personally. Oh Shit, here we go! I feel like large parts of my life were worried about how the things I did affected people. Did I make someone mad? Did I do something wrong. This person looked at me a certain way. Why haven’t they called? Holy smokes friends….we could drive ourselves to the damn looney bin worrying about what others think about us. One of my new favorite mantras is “Your opinion of me is really none of my business!” For real, if we are living a good and honest life and we are living in accordance to our values, what freaking difference does it make what others think? I know it is easier said than done. Trust me! I get it. But we have to worry less about what others think or we spend life trying to please everyone else. Thanks, but, NO THANKS! I ain’t got time for that nonsense!
Moving on to not making assumptions. I think relationships could be saved if we were all brave enough to just ask the hard ass questions. Why are we so scared? If we don’t know the answer, just ask. Let’s communicate so we understand each other better. Spouses, partners, friends, and all the family members could benefit from just having a heart felt and non-judgmental conversation. Let’s move forward and not be afraid to communicate clearly what we want or ask question with the purpose of seeking to understand the other person. It has been such a gift to work on things in my life and for family and friends to ask questions about my journey. During those conversations, trust can be built. It is incredibly meaningful.
Last, but not least, do your best. Yes, every damn day, just do your best. Today’s best is going to look different than yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. Today, I may be well rest, well fed and hydrated and I can get all kinds of things done. Tomorrow, I may be knocked down with the flu and the best I can do is lay on the couch binging Netflix. Seriously, can we all give ourselves (and others) a break and know that every single day we are all just doing our best with what we all have going on? If we can go to bed each evening knowing we have done our best, than that is all we can ask and we certainly can’t be ourselves up for that one bit.
I am so happy to have been reconnected with this book and these agreements. These little agreements can be grounding for me and help me each day live my most authentic and best life. My hope and wish is for you to enjoy them too. I would love for you to share your thoughts with me either below on instagram @roastosobertown
Sending love to all of you.