Our family went away over the holiday weekend. We have done this trip for the last 5 years and the time has been filled with fond memories. I know these trips will be remembered as the “good old days” in the coming years. The experience includes: good friends, great food, copious amounts of alcohol for yours truly, singing, dancing, skiing, card games and being cozy next to a fire. This year, I experienced everything as I had in the past, minus the alcohol.
There was hesitation on my part leading up to the weekend. My intention was to continue on my sobriety path and I was very nervous about throwing in the towel to say “screw it, you only live once and I am here to play.” I am happy to report that it did not happen. I stayed on my current path. It was a series of small victories that lead me to to my first successful sober weekend away.
Prior to leaving, Matt was kind enough to buy me non-alcoholic drinks. Although I have done this in the past, often times these drinks have stayed in the cooler and I have often opted for the regular stuff. Not this time. Nope! I did good.
Each night was filled with yummy food, great conversation and a lot of laughs. There were several times I was so tempted to have a regular beer but, I just grabbed an NA or a water or maybe even a handful of peanut m & m’s. Each time I had a thought about deviating off of my path, I just thought to myself, “you really don’t want to start this over.” I also kept thinking that I have come so far and have almost reached 50 days. Why would I screw this up?
For the most part, I felt strong and empowered over the weekend. There was one morning that I had tears well up in my eyes because I felt as though I were missing out or that I was not fun anymore. My thoughts began to spiral out of control as I worried if I was making others feel uncomfortable or if I was somehow being a pain in the butt. In my heart, I knew this was not the case and I took a few minutes to sit quietly and meditate. I also took a moment to the listen to the audiobook, We are the Luckiest by Laura McKowen. This book served me so well this past weekend. (I listened to it late at night and early in the morning and was so grateful for each message Laura shared with her readers.) Once, I was in a centered state, I rejoined the group and we went about our day.
The day was wonderful as we spent time outside with the kids by a fire. There was laughing, singing, and exploring. It was wonderful to be fully present and to witness the children having fun and just being kids. It was a gift to take in the crisp air and listen to the stream. The experience was incredibly grounding and peaceful. Had I been drinking, there is so much I would have missed out on or I would have been needlessly angry for some reason at my kids for playing in mud or in the frozen lake (and let’s face it, kids playing outside in mud is always better than a day filled with technology).
This morning as we prepared to come home, my friends shared with me how proud they were of me for not drinking over the weekend. It was so nice to hear them say these words. They knew it was hard for me. I had shared with them that I was worried it made them feel uncomfortable or was weird and they assured me that it was great fun and that they loved me. My heart was pretty full.
On Wednesday, I celebrate 50 days. I can’t wait to share more with you at that time.
Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful week. Wishing everyone peace, joy and happiness.